Never play cards with any man named 'Doc.' Never eat at any place called 'Mom's.' And never, ever, no matter what else you do in your life, sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own. -- Nelson Algren

Without man's innate urge to take risks, we'd all still be sitting around drawing on cave walls, grunting and belching. Fortunately, our daring ancestors ventured forth into the dangerous world and created civilization. Which means today we can take our risks in small doses, like sitting around a dining table playing poker... and grunting and belching.

If you haven't smugly riffled a newly won stack of poker chips in a smoke-filled room surrounded by smelly guys swilling beer and cursing, then you haven't lived. You can leave the martinis, Baccarat and double-breasted dinner jackets to James Bond and his crumbled-British-Empire ilk. If you're an American man, playing poker's part of your heritage.

Our nation was founded on the idea of taking chances. This country was built by a bunch of rowdy guys who liked drinking and taking risks, and didn't like being told what to do. This is precisely why poker -- that most American of card games -- couldn't have been invented anywhere else. The father of our country, George Washington, who also happened to brew his own beer, was known to host card games in his tent during the Revolutionary War -- a war in which, it's important to remember, our opponent held the far better cards. Against all odds, those stalwart colonial souls managed to back up their bluff and rake in the rich pot that included freedom, democracy, self-determination and the deed to several hundred thousand acres of prime real estate. Some years later (in the mid-1800s), poker as we know it today was invented in the American West. So, if our founding fathers hadn't played and won, we'd be as lacking in cultural identity as our floundering Canadian cohorts up north, eh? (Note to Canadians: Please address your letters to the editor, RE: Canadian Cultural Identity Crisis.)

It's estimated some 60 million Americans play poker regularly. Some play for their love of gambling, some for their love of money, some to escape the humdrum routine of their lives, and some just for their fondness for camaraderie. Whether you win or lose, whether you know when to hold 'em or know when to fold 'em, gathering around a table with a group of pals, a deck of cards, stacks of colored chips, and some eats and drinks is one of the hallowed traditions of the American male.

The human instinct to gamble with fate is probably as old as...well, human instinct. The Ancient Greeks believed the lofty Gods of Mount Olympus threw dice to divide up the world. (Crude dice have been found in most ancient civilizations.) Roman soldiers cast lots for Jesus' robes. Julius Caesar conquered Gaul to pay off gambling debts. It's a fair bet that amoebas floundering in the early primordial soup wagered on who'd be the first to make it out of the bog.

Poker differs greatly from the games of pure chance in casinos. Gamblers, whether they bet on the roll of the dice or the spin of a roulette wheel, are generally betting against the odds. Smart gamblers know this, but it hasn't stopped gaming from becoming one of the most successful business enterprises. Skillful poker players use their knowledge to wager only on favorable odds. Gamblers are romantics looking forward to what might happen.

Accomplished poker players are realists betting on what should happen. Of course in poker, as in most endeavors, what should happen isn't always what does happen.

Fortunately in poker, as in life, you don't have to be good at it to like it. (Though I'm sure those who are absolutely no good are welcome and regular guests at many a poker table.) You just have to enjoy yourself.

>> There are no Miranda Rights in poker; anything you say and do can and will be used against you.

Being a good poker player requires something few people do in today's short-attention-span society: paying close attention to everything. Because poker's as much about people as it is about cards, and how we live influences how we play. There are those who play and live cold and conservative, striving to avoid risk, and those who play and live brash and full of bluster. There are players in the games of life and poker who'll never bet unless the odds are actually in their favor. If you can't spot the sheep waiting to be sheared at the table by the time you've quaffed your first beer, there's a good chance it's you. But in a friendly game always remember that you can shear a sheep many times, but you can only skin him once.

You don't have to have the best cards to win, either. You just have to play the best. And every hand is different, depending on what you choose to do with it.

If you enjoy bluffing your way through life -- and getting away with it -- then you probably get a major adrenaline rush by stealing a healthy pot knowing your opponents have you beat. The bluffing element of poker sets it apart from almost all other games and pursuits. You can't pretend to have the best hand and win in bridge or blackjack. You can't pretend you're a great mountain climber and conquer Kilimanjaro any more than you can bluff your way through the Iron Man Triathlon. So many human endeavors are cut and dried; if you say you're the best, there's only one way to prove it. This is the very beauty of poker. After all, isn't this what we all want?

In every deck of 52 cards there are 2,598,960 possible five-card poker hands. The bad news is that you're only going to be dealt one of them. The better news is that there's always the chance, the possibility, that you can transform whatever cards you hold into the winning hand.

That's why poker's never dull. The game has thousands of variants, and all it requires is your group of buddies, a deck of cards and some chips. It's always better if you switch the venue and the responsibility for providing the eats and drinks. And you can bring as much, or as little, flair to your poker night as you like.

If you're like me, you started with Budweiser, smelly Swisher Sweets and nickel-dime-quarter games. Over the years my friends and I have graduated to imports in both our beer and cigar preferences, and the same red, white and blue chips have grown to represent much larger sums. It's not fun without the risk of losing a bit more than you should, and you can't win if you don't play.

If you're really a gambler (this most superstitious of species) you'll of course have a good-luck token of some type, whether it's the old Dunes $5 chip you didn't cash in before the implosion, your tattered boxers emblazoned with the Queen of Hearts, the filthy Cubs cap you bought at Wrigley the year they were going to go all the way (but didn't -- again) or maybe even a silk smoking jacket. Poker is more psychology than sophistication. Studies have shown there's a real psychological boost from believing in a good-luck piece and that gamblers actually get an adrenaline surge as if they were in a fight-or-flight situation. Jonny Chan, former World Series of Poker champion, was always known to place an orange beside him when he played, though he never ate it. Stories abound about how many people have offered him absurd amounts of money for his orange, which he never sells. Having others believe in your good-luck charm never hurts.

Whether you carry an edible good-luck piece or not, poker night requires sustenance. You need fuel to keep you going during the hours you're spending trying to outwit your opponents. The history of eating and playing cards goes back even further than the Earl of Sandwich, who actually invented the snack that bears his name as a way to eat without getting his hands greasy and without missing a moment at the card table.

While it's not as exciting if there's no money involved, your game should never be too serious. You can play to win money or to have fun, but doing both is the best. Dealer's choice allows the deal to rotate around the table, with each person given a chance to deal whatever game he chooses. In the old days they used to place a silver dollar, one buck, in front of the person whose turn it was to deal. This ultimately became a cliche when President Truman, an avid poker player, declared: "The Buck Stops Here."

When we play poker, the games run the gamut from the classic 5-Card Draw of the Old West to 7-Card Stud, 7-Card No-Peeky, Baseball, Black Mariah, Chicago, 2-22, Guts, Lo-Ball, Omaha, Acey-Deucy, 3-Card Monte and several of our own twisted variants. It's good to have a healthy and eclectic mix of games, some where skill plays out along with some of the whimsical games of pure dumb luck that the poor players and drunks always enjoy and often win.

Each pack of cards holds within it the possibility of millions of different outcomes every single time we deal. In life and poker we can't all be winners, but we certainly can't win if we're not in the big game. And not knowing what'll happen, well, that's the real beauty of this poker game called life anyway, isn't it? That's exactly why life is such a big deal, after all. Anything might happen.

Take your time, think a lot, pour yourself a glass and enjoy a dose of slow food cooking by our very own superchef Toby Puttock.

"Slow food to me is the whole deal; a morning's work just to eat lunch, shopping for the vital ingredient, long preparation times, perhaps a glass of wine and a chat whilst preparing the mise en place. Most importantly a whole lot of love goes into the making of the meal. With this, I consulted one of my best mates' Cordell Khoury, who also happens to be my partner in the kitchen at Termini. He suggested we make a day of it at his family's beach house. We packed up the car and hit the coast for an extensive cook'n'chat session. And this was the result. Three dishes, six hours of preparation, eating, drinking, going off, all peppered with a heap of fun. Enjoy."

Risotto Milanese

This risotto is the signature risotto of Milan (hence the name). The main ingredient is saffron which belongs to the lily family and grows only to about 15cm high. True saffron, has purple flowers. The first reference to saffron cultivation dates back to 2300 BC. Its origins are most probably Greece or Asia Minor where forms of the spice are known in the wild state.

What you need
(serves four)

350g of vialone nano rice
15g of onion
900g of stock
50g of white wine
1g of saffron
80g of butter
50g of parmesan cheese
Salt and pepper

What to do
In a large and low casserole pot, saute the onion in a little butter. When the onion starts to become transparent, add the rice, stirring constantly, until it too starts to become transparent. At this stage moisten with the sauvignon and boiling stock until the rice is covered. When necessary add some stock. After around 10 minutes (when the rice is al dente) remove the pot from the heat and stir in the parmesan, butter and season to taste. At this stage I always put a lid on the pot, which causes the rice to swell up with the steam trapped inside the pot. Serve immediately.

If you really want to get authentic, ask your butcher for some bone marrow. About 10 minutes before the rice is ready place the marrow on a metal tray and into the oven, where it'll turn brown. At this stage the marrow should pop out from the bone. Now just place the marrow on top of the finished risotto and serve.

Pork Shoulder, Porcini and Lemon Farce with Chateau Potatoes

This is a mish-mash of different dishes I've learnt in my different cooking experiences. The pork is a variation of a dish I once made in London at the River Cafe, the potatoes I learnt at school during my training and the sauce is the result of the whole dish. It's a classic roast -- Sunday lunch style.

What you need
(serves four)

1kg of pork shoulder
20 slices of copa (or prosciutto)
250g of dried porcini (fresh if available, but then you will need closer to 400g)
1 lemon
1 bunch of thyme
100g of prosciutto fat
2 cloves of garlic
2 medium potatoes

What to do
Place the dried porcini in a bowl covered with warm water. With a sharp knife, butterfly the shoulder of pork. Dice the whole lemon and prosciutto fat into small pieces and blitz along with 150g of the porcini. This should give you a creamy consistency. Using a palette knife smear this farce or stuffing over one side of the pork. Season well.

Lay out your copa (or prosciutto) in a large adjoining square and place the filled pork in the centre. Roll the pork in the copa so that it's totally encased. With some butcher's string truss the wrapped pork so that the copa doesn't fall off during cooking. Seal the encased pork in a frying pan with a little oil and then place on a baking tray covered with foil and cook in a pre-heated oven on 200 degrees celsius for around 40 minutes.

Meanwhile peel and slice each potato lengthways into four pieces. With a small knife turn each potato so it has seven sides and looks like a barrel. Place in a small pot with cold water and bring to the boil. Test if they're cooked by sticking a small knife in them and once they are, brown the potatoes in frying pan with a little butter. When the pork is ready, remove the string and slice about one centimetre thick. Serve immediately with the potatoes, the excess porcini and a little of the porcini juice.

Bread and Butter Pudding

Never underestimate the old bread and butter pudding. This dish is a regular at Termini, although Cordell always replaces the bread with croissant. It's addictive, simple and the perfect way to really bloat yourself after a huge meal.

What you need
(serves four)

2 croissants
2 T of sultanas
Strawberry jam
Creme anglaise
50g of butter and extra for greasing the moulds

What to do
Gently break the croissant in half and spread it with butter and strawberry jam. Butter a couple of souffle moulds and break the croissant into pieces that will fit into the moulds. Layer a piece of croissant with a sprinkling of sultanas. Repeat this process until the moulds are full. Finally, pour the creme anglaise over the top. Place the filled moulds on to a baking tray and into the oven at 200 degrees celsius until the tops are browned. Run a small knife around the outside of the moulds to remove the puddings. Serve in a bowl with more warm creme anglaise, or my favourite, vanilla ice-cream.

For a dose of Toby in the kitchen, book yourself a seat at Termini in Fitzroy Street in St Kilda, 03-9537-3465.